The Journey - Spiritual or Not?

Not everyone knows why we are walking the Camino.  We've been asked more than once if I am just tagging along on John's adventure.  While there is no doubt he is very adventurous, many people don't know just how adventurous I AM! Maybe I don't even know! To answer your question, if you were asking, is that we equally share the motivation for doing this thing.  What that is, will be revealed.  Of that, we are sure.

As I imagine boarding the British Airways flight in full regalia of hiking boots and backpack, I think about the whole North American "backpack Europe" after college thing.  Since I never graduated college, got caught up in trying to figure out who I was and all that adult responsibility, the dalliances of youth got postponed for me.  Maybe now is my chance even if I am still trying to figure out just who it is that I am.  Just maybe this will bring me closer to knowing that.

If you don't want to read about some of the aspects of spirituality that have brought me to this point, feel free to skip over this posting!

While I have never been affiliated or indoctrinated into or with a particular 'religion', aside from being baptized a Methodist, (thanks Mom and Dad) I consider myself a deeply spiritual person.   I feel this has given me an unclouded view and Spirit could begin to grow me in a more open sense.  I have, like all people, aware or not, been on a "journey" since the day I was born.  Whether you choose to believe it or not for yourself, I feel I have been guided all of my life.  This is not exclusive to certain people.  I believe there is not one of us who is not imbued with the 'stuff' of creation and that we are all aspects of divine nature. We were, after all, created in His image as the bible says.  I also believe that God is so much bigger than the box of our humanness and the ever present temptation of man to want to close him off and separate him and hold him exclusive within that box.  I am in awe of  and respect the myriad ways and paths that God uses to draw his children ever closer.

The history of the Camino de Santiago and Spain as a whole, is and has been, largely Catholic.  I imagine a number of the churches and pilgrim support places on the way will be an example of that I am sure.  Over the years, I have had the opportunity to retreat in silence on a number of occasions at various Catholic centers for just that, one being the awe inspiring Cabrini Shrine just outside of Denver.  My learning through these experiences has been that they are very accommodating to people outside their own religious affiliations for personal pilgrimage and retreat.  I've been grateful for that. 

I have been hard pressed to find female mystics from any religion outside of Catholicism.  I am learning that they had and continue to have so much to teach us about the experiential knowing of the divine, that is to say, the very personal nature of enlightenment.  It is through this search that I have found two female Christian mystics who have touched my soul in the profoundest of ways.  They just happen to be Catholic and they are both Saints.  Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini and Saint Teresa of Avila.

I wanted to know more about Mother Cabrini.  She was Italian in origin and came to the United States and ultimately ended up in Denver to create an orphanage for young girls.  Their summer retreat center was what now stands as the Cabrini Shrine.  It's a beautiful spot in the foothills and there are many gardens and walkways for contemplation. 

This is from a room in the original building where the orphanage was and where we now have our own comforting space for contemplation and meditation or prayer.

 

 

From the book by Segundo Galilea "In Weakness, Strength" about Mother Cabrini:  "Frances Xavier Cabrini had a solid religious and spiritual formation.  But she was a woman of her time, and had not studied theology or the great Christian mystics.  She did not read much; she read only what was required of her by duty.  From adulthood, she had no spiritual director.  She lived in an age when Catholic spirituality was markedly devotional; we know that from her childhood, devotion to the Sacred Heart had captivated her.  But the young foundress had gone much further;  of this devotion she created a mysticism in the loftiest and most authentic sense, in which were integrated all the values of Christian spirituality."

These women saints were examples of one who has committed their entire being to following the will of God.  Which to me means the surrender of the habit of letting ego lead the way in life. 

 

"To lose confidence dishonors God since it implies that God will fail us, which is impossible.  It's always WE who fail and place impediments to the work of grace.  So, from now on instead of a lack of trust, I will place my humble trust in Him, certain that the more I acknowledge my misery, so much wider the field in which the goodness of the Almighty will act."  ~ Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini 1885

 

I have also loved studying the life of Saint Teresa of Avila.  I learned AFTER we had committed to this journey that she set up churches and monastic sites all over Spain! The last of which was in Burgos where we will hopefully be walking through and her body is also interred there!  I will be carrying the spirits of these two very inspiring and devoted women with me on the pilgrimage.

 

  "This magnificent refuge is inside you. Enter. Shatter the darkness that shrouds the doorway.  Step around the poisonous vipers that slither at your feet, attempting to throw you off your course.  Be bold. Be humble. Put away the incense and forget the incantations they taught you.  Ask no permission from the authorities.  Slip away.  Close your eyes and follow your breath to the still place that leads to the invisible path that leads you home." ~St. Teresa of Avila

The Road Less Traveled....On Foot!

I have been thinking about walking to Evergreen, the next town over to the North in our little foothills community, for a few weeks now.  Initially I had the idea to walk to the Highland Haven, a AAA rated Bed and Breakfast in Evergreen, as a small bit of incentive, and then after a luxurious night,  turn around and walk back the next morning. I had tracked it to be almost 15 miles from our front door, a pretty good representation of what we would be averaging on the Camino.  Since we have been spending a fair amount of money just to prepare for this trip, that notion turned into driving the car to my employers parking lot the night before so we'd have wheels to get us back when we arrived exhausted. The next morning involved getting up and heading out with all of our gear at about 6:30 a.m.

 This is my pack. All nearly 13 pounds of it.  To last me for two months!  I have a few more things to fit in before we leave so I am very happy with how it's working out so far.  Do you see that I am smiling?

John of course, will carry a little more. He is also smiling.

 

We made it out of the quiet neighborhood, happily conversing about how peaceful it was at that early hour on a Saturday.....with the nearby highway making it's noisy presence known as we came to the small road leading to it, we considered that maybe Sunday would have been a little bit quieter.

I have passed these Alpacas thousands of times....IN MY CAR.  The looks on their faces staring out at us as we WALKED by them, were the first inkling I had that we might possibly be completely crazy.

 

We wandered out onto the major highway that connects our town down and out of the foothills to the edge suburb of Morrison and on into Denver.

 

It was here that I felt something not quite right on my right foot.  I ignored it.  I have already put over 40 miles on these boots and socks...why now?  Ignorance was my first mistake. Shhhh, maybe it will go away.

 

As we made the turnoff towards Evergreen, rounding the corner to the underpass, I looked up and at that very moment saw another incredulous face staring back at me, waving in shock from a car that looked vaguely familiar as it whizzed by....our son Jack.  He was obviously on his way somewhere but of course my cell phone started ringing and as soon as I answered there were peals of laughter coming from the other end and something like "What the hell are you guys doing?"  "Walking to Evergreen", I replied.  "What the hell for?", came the next question through snorts and coughs.  I thought I had explained what our plans for the coming months adventure were, but in true self -centered twenty something fashion it probably went in one ear and out the other.  He laughed as he said his first thought was 'what are these hippies doing on the road', and then imagined his own shock when he realized, 'those hippies are MY  PARENTS!!!!!!'

 

We found a place to sit down, at the entrance to the local high school, in order to remove my shoes and socks and massage my feet.  My right foot was hurting but I couldn't discern any blister at the moment so after a few minutes sitting with cars whizzing by us looking at us like we were a couple of homeless vagabonds, we journeyed on.

The Guinness World's largest lawn chair built recently but a local church.  I guess we have a rival for the worlds largest ball of string?

 

When you walk roads you have driven literally thousands of times, you really get up close and personal with the surrounding lands.  In my case, it's been since 1986 that I've been driving this way.  That's a long time up until now.  I felt I was doing something really spectacular by actually walking the thing.  We saw lots of things as we walked.  Dead birds of all sorts lying on the side of the road, sunglasses, various pieces of clothing and lots of trash.  A veritable hardware store of nuts, bolts, screws, work gloves and one brand new funnel with the price tag still attached. I saw more plastic PINT bottles of McCormick vodka than I would like to count along with mini bottles empty of  their various liquors and beer cans and bottles.  Note to self: be defensive while driving!  

 I have passed this chain saw wood carver, glancing at his amazing creations, many times.  He wasn't out or I would have loved to stop and chat with him.

 One of the rare times I was ahead of John.  To take the picture of course!

I teased him that he got a LOT more breaks than I did by stopping to let me catch up.

 

We took about an hour break at mile 9 at a little local place called The Gas Station, it is literally a gas station, for a breakfast of over easy eggs, biscuits and gravy and sausage!  I was too hungry to get a picture and they were kind enough to let us sit outside under the shade of the pine trees to take our boots off once again.  The food revived me but my foot was still feeling oddly painful and now my hip was giving me a little trouble that I wrote off eventually to the hard and uneven road surfaces.  Thankfully the Camino will be around 87% path and NOT road surface.

 

You will never know the games my ego mind plays with me over these bodily pains.  I want so badly to accomplish this distance and to get to a place of just trusting what will be and being OK with it, while trying to shove down my very own personal voice for fear.  Needless to say it did not prove to be easy for me.  It is always very fatalistic.  "you'll be lucky if you make it out of the French Pyrenees!"  "How will you EVER average 15 miles a day, every day???"   This voice, I am sure, I will be dealing with on the 'way'.  I want my other voice, my voice for spirit to be louder.  I will practice.

 

When we arrived at the truck, after crossing over the road back and forth to avoid blind corners and recognizing that other old fear of getting hit by a car, I was never so grateful to have made it.  It was all together 12.7 miles.  Nearly 13 miles!!!!!   John is very encouraging always with high fives while I couldn't wait to get the boots off!  I ended up with a small blister that went away fast and the hip recovered soon too.  I tried to consider getting up the next morning and doing it all over again.......not.  Something else I will be dealing with on the 'way'.

 

 





The Time Draws Ever Nearer

We are getting pretty excited now as we only have a few weeks until our departure for Spain!  Our plans thus far have us flying to Paris with a connection in London and then another flight into Biarritz France near Bayonne where we are considering spending the night.  This locale will get us within a train ride to our intended destination of St. Jean Pied du Port where we will begin our journey.

We are pretty much set with all we will need for the trip.  I have not packed up my pack to see how much weight I will have...almost feels like saving the best for last!  Since we have the convenience of checking a bag, we will put our hiking sticks, which are not allowed in carryon obviously, a knife and some liquids in a box that we can throw away once we get to our destination.

I have been struggling over my third outfit being a dress that I will hike in and also that will work well for dinner and church.  After a few failed attempts Ive finally settled on a black lightweight Patagonia that looks like it will wash and wear easily.  As I picture myself walking in the thing with my hiking boots, backpack and walking sticks, not to mention my floppy REI sunhat, I have to wonder what the hell Im doing.  On another clothing note, I was so happy to find some Columbia zip-off pants at the outlet stores in Silverthorne for $24!  I had been searching and couldn't find a thing under $60 so Im happy about that success!!!

As for training, John has been on a pretty grueling backpack trip with 12 miles done in one day over some pretty amazing mountain passes.

 

Fairly rugged...

 

As for me, when John was gone on this particular trip, I had considered walking to Evergreen, the next town over about 15 miles away, but there was none of my dear friends or family I really felt like I wanted to put on call to pick me up and bring me home. Well, I asked one of my children but that didn't work out.   Can you say inconvenience? Ill have to get over that at some point. This training endeavor may yet happen as it will give us a good idea of what a day might be like on the Camino.  I have been doing the short trips around home, which are about 4 miles each or so.  Guess Ive been slacking....

 

It's hard to believe we are actually doing this!  I have to pinch myself sometimes.  I watched a video of the Camino by Helicopter and got goose bumps getting a glimpse of some of the places we will be seeing.  It brought tears to my eyes seeing pilgrims walking along their way from above, only imagining the reasons for their journeys and knowing we will be among them....soon.